….if only.
I’ve never had a “best friend”. At least not in school. I don’t even think I had anyone I could really call a “friend” back then. They were all just acquaintances.
But , things changed. I met three people who changed my life around, completely. One walked out of my life because of a choice I made. Another’s been screwing with my head and the last one’s stuck on.
Why this post? Well, one of the main reasons I blog is to talk about things, I can’t talk about elsewhere. In other words, to vent ! This one’s about the two people who are ( supposed to be ) my BFF. Actually, just about the one that’s screwing with my head !
She and I did not “bond” instantly. But once we hit it off, it was madness all around. I wouldn’t say we were inseparable, but we were part of each other’s lifes in every way. When it came to our core beliefs and views on life, they were poles apart. But that didn’t matter one bit. Atleast not then.
Things are different now. She hangs out with people who are “cooler” than us. Has a man in her life, who’s giving her all the emotional support she needs. And basically, we don’t come anywhere in the picture anymore. Except, EXCEPT, once in a blue moon, when she happens to remember us. An occasional call where all she can talk about is the man in her life.
When was the last time we met up, just so…uhhh…NEVER. When was the last time she asked me what’s happening in my life, and really wanted to know and didn’t ask for formality sake….Not in a looooooooooooong time. @#%#$$%#$ !!
I’m pissed beyond words. I can’t believe I let her effect my life this way. No matter how much I pretend that this doesn’t effect me, or that this is no big deal because she’s just like those other people who walked in and out of my life without a second thought, its not the same. Not this time. Things looked different this time around. I believed things were different this time. And I gave it my ALL. I shouldn’t have.
I’ve withdrawn. Does she notice? No. Disappointment is written all over my face. Does she care? NO ! She is right. Can I be right once in a while? No. Is she embarassed to call us her BFF? I don’t know. She didn’t have a problem claiming that once upon a time. But now the man in her life doesn’t even know we exist. Now I know what kind of a role we play in her life.
Its always been about her. And we’ve taken it. When you get close to someone, you tend to ignore little things that would have otherwise bothered you. But now all I can see are the faults, the negatives, the bad times. And I’m hating it. Hating every bit of it. I cant pretend to be ok with everything when I talk to her or meet her. Things are NOT ok. Things will not be ok. Not until we talk it out. But will that happen? No. Why? Because she still hasn’t realised something is wrong.
What am I going to do about this? I don’t know.
Is it time to step back? To move on…?
14 comments
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May 20, 2007 at 3:25 am
little indian
What does “best friend” mean to you?
What do you expect from a best friend?
Did you try to be her best friend? If yes, how?
Just curious.
May 20, 2007 at 12:31 pm
flowerchild
A best friend? Someone with whom I can be myself. Someone I could catch up with, just-so. No explainations. Someone who might not be around much but we when we do bump into each other would be like things never change.
And I’m only saying these things because I know this is what I am to a lotta people. But not something I get myself.
Do I expect to much?
Did I try? Yes. Whenever she needed me. I’ve been there. Emotionally, physically present. Seen her through a lot. I probably know her better than she knows herself. We’ve hung out, we’ve had fun. We’ve seen each other in our highest highs and lowest lows.
But now, somehow, things don’t seem the same anymore.
May 20, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Sigma
It hurts! Not long back I had written something on the same lines …
http://sigma_sm.blogspot.com/2007/05/not-so-great-expectations.html
take a look if you feel like.
You say that you think that things will work out if you talk it out. This is where I disagree – it is difficult to forgive and forget the hurt and the pain.
I do not know if you are well versed with hindi, but if you are, you might have come across this ‘doha’ -
Rahiman dhaga prem ka mat todo chatkaaye
Toote se phir na jude, jude gaanth par jaaye
[Poet-saint Rahim says - that do not break the string of love, it is difficult to bind it again, and even if you do so, there is a disturbing knot that remains]
I whole-heartedly agree with this, and with experience!
May 20, 2007 at 3:12 pm
little indian
With time
meaning of friendship changes
in different manner in different individuals.
I feel its time for you
to cut your losses and move-on.
You may not meet someone again
who you might be able to call your “best friend”.
So what?
As long you know you will be there
to be a good friend to others if or when needed.
You can set the highest standards only for yourself.
Others will have different standards based on different priorities.
Life is too short to spend it hoping or grieving for something that is not to be.
C’est la vie?
May 20, 2007 at 4:24 pm
flowerchild
@ Sigma
Wouldn’t have understood it otherwise.And I have to agree with it too.
Thank you for those words. I did check out the post. Not having expectations…is that really possible? If yes, then I dont think I can ever do that.
I thought talking it out would help. But the more I think about it, I realise, its never going to be the same anymore. The hurt and pain will remain.
Thank you for the translation
@ little indian
“You may not meet someone again
who you might be able to call your “best friend”.
So what? ”
So what? Doesn’t everyone need some kind of support system? What should one do when there are no friends? And family…what if they just don’t understand? Look for support from complete strangers?
Agreed different people have different standards. But aren’t there certain things that are comman to all? Certain things we all give and expect in return?
“Life is too short to spend it hoping or grieving for something that is not to be”
What if that ray of hope is all you have? The only thing that is keeping you going….
Too many questions… I know.
May 20, 2007 at 6:31 pm
little indian
I am sorry, doomy gloomy thoughts are my speciality.
I did warn you, didn’t I?
You have raised many soul searching questions.
If I try to give my points of view, it may well sound like a lecture.
So if I just say…
Doesn’t everyone need some kind of support system?
Of course we do.
Most, maybe not all.
I fervently believe in, and so set
very high standards for friendships.
A true good friend I believe should be as valuable as a blood relative.
In an ideal world,
we should all be supportive of each other.
But unforunately the world we live in, is far from friendly.
What I meant was, if no one offers that support as a best friend,
life will still go on, and we will have to live that life, as best as we can.
May 20, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Bendtherulz
Ever & forever – such long distant words……if someone would ask me will I be there till that time – I have to be honest and say – its such a long distant words – how about taking smaller steps and see how far we come along and let that be ” ever” time in our relationship.
Just recently – I was getting upset about somebody’s comments and my trainer asked me a simple question – Have you shared this feeling with the person – that so and so comments are upsetting you – and it got me thinking – we are humans – first we imagine ( lots of things – which is our right as well !!) then we mull over and vent out our feelings as well and then we spit out in front of people those who are only hearing only MY side of story !! Why can’t we tell the person who is so much responsible for our misery. May be because we are afraid to lose out before time….may be we want that tenuous thread of friendship( as long as it takes to go on….afterall sometime its better to have something then nothing at all)
Say it loud and say to save – so that when you walk away then you will be able to say – you gave ALL ( Fight and honesty) to the relationship.
Tk care ~
May 22, 2007 at 5:53 pm
earthpal
Hey Flowerchild, sorry you’ve been hurt by your friend. I’ve been hurt twice by two different friends and it only hurts because we cared so much about them. If we didn’t care about them then it wouldn’t hurt would it.
Lot’s of advice here so I won’t give you any more. Too much advice can make us feel even more unsure and confused.
It does seem that your friend is at a different place in her life now. She’s found a boy too and that tends to change the dynamics. She’s discovering new friends, relationships etc. Maybe your commentors here are right…that it is time for you to move on too. Still hurts though.
I imagine you are a loyal and compassionate friend. Lucky are the friends of Flowerchild.
May 22, 2007 at 11:38 pm
flowerchild
@ little indian
Hmm, I guess that does make sense. Life goes on.
@ bendtherulez
I want to sit down and talk it all out. Hear her side of the story. There’s a lot more to this than what I’ve talked about. I’ll have to figure my way through this. Soon.
@ earthpal
I know its time to move on. The damage’s done. I do wnat to know the otherside. But knowing that won’t change anything, I guess.
Thank you all for you support, advice & views *hugs*
May 27, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Bendtherulz
So is your friend atill alive…or drowned in the tirade of your words…..???
June 3, 2007 at 10:20 pm
flowerchild
hey bendtherulz
She’s still alive….I guess ! Haven’t spoken to her. Not yet. Been busy with exams n stuff ! There has been some geniune lack of interest on my side and I think she has finally understood something’s wrong. But neither of us have done anything about it. If we meet up again I’m gonna give her a piece of my mind !
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