Self-realisation

Over the past few weeks I’ve realised a lot of things I believe in are contradictory. I’m a big believer of Destiny, that what is happening or will happen is what is meant to happen or what is destined to happen. But my views on everything else contradicts this belief of mine.

I’ve always thought that people, along with their difference, should be treated with respect. Not all people are the same and we need the differences to balance out the world around us. But more often than not, people tend to not understand and respect this. In my own life I’ve seen people do that to other people I know, for that matter, even I have done the same at times and it is something that makes me extremely sad. But if I go by me strong belief in destiny, maybe this is how things are supposed to be. Maybe the behaviour will mould the person and make him/her stronger and wiser. It could either make or break the person and maybe that is what is destined for that person. 

I’ve started questioning my own belief now. Destiny sounds more like an excuse now, something that you can blame everything on. Or is it? I don’t know.

My views and opinions seem to change almost on a daily basis. Life seems a lot more complicated now. I guess we all need to see things in full spectrum..and I’m getting there..slowly…

Another life taken away…

The phone rang and from the way he spoke, I knew it had happened. The long battle had ended. Another life lost to Cancer…

I was out shopping when I heard about what had happened. I don’t think I can put into words what went through my mind then. His image flashed before my eyes. An image of what had become of him since he was diagnosed with cancer a few months back.

I’ve only met him a few times. I remember him as a big built man, old but still not showing signs of the age. More than anything, I remember him as a healthy man. And then I met him during my last visit to Kerala. I couldn’t recognise him. I never thought a disease could change a man to such an extent. He looked old, weak, gaunt….. He didn’t look like himself. Cancer had caught upto him. Final stages they said. His body wouldn’t be able to handle any sort of medication, chemo-therapy or radio-therapy. They gave him pain-killers to reduce the pain. They had given up on him.

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Memories of what had happened around 3 years back are coming back to me. “Let’s hope for the best”, they said, almost like in the movies. Cancer was something that happened in movies or to other people, not to people we know, not to your family…

They said something about 5 years. 5 was just a number before that…but now it has taken a whole different meaning. 3 years, 8 months and 28 days are up.

I don’t know what to expect…

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Hope the family gets the strength to make it through this loss.

Its been a while…

I miss the not having anything to do….well, not really. Life’s become hectic and I’m liking it!

I almost wanted to give up when I first started. Somethings came as a shock. But I’ve slowly come to terms with it. I was a little apprehensive about going back to India but I never thought I would actually not be going back!

Classes have been good. I’m all set to make the most of it. Had a presentation yesterday. I was sooo not looking forward to it. Never been much of a speaker and I freak out when I have to do that in front of people. Buttttt it turned out alright. I didn’t make an utter fool of my self. I actually had a few people come and tell me it was pretty good for a first timer! 😀

I miss the freedom, the familiar faces and more than anything else…I miss the good conversations. Anyways, Its only been 2 weeks now. I’m still in the process of getting to know people. Things might change. First impressions could be wrong. And if things remain the same, I’m just gonna have to grin and bare it !

Onam Reunion and other developments.

A lot has happened since my last post here.

I’ve lost 2kgs..woo hoo ! All the hours I’ve been putting in at the gym has finally started working. But I still have a looong way to go. I don’t know how I’m going to manage to put in all the gym time from next week onwards !

I met a childhood friend after 9 years for Onam. A little awkwardness and a lot of catching up. It was almost like the good old days. And I also realised I’m not the only one with braces at this age! The aforementioned friend has braces and I also bumped into another school friend who’s got them too !

Anddd I’m not going back to India, atleast not for a while. I will be doing my Masters here. So, Oman’s gonna see a lot of me from now onwards!

It ain’t about how hard you hit…

From Rocky Balboa

Not one of the most inspiring speeches but definitely one that’s easier to live by.