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Music’s always been an integral part of my life. My tryst with music started with Carnatic music lessons I took when I was a kid. That’s my earliest memory of music as apart of my life. That lasted for a while. Got to perform a couple of times on stage (small scale stuff) and that was that. Honestly, I don’t remember anything I learnt then.

My parents listened to a lot of Ghazals. That was the only thing we played at home, because I didn’t really care about music then. Ghazals grow on me. I started enjoying them. Initially it was only because I liked the way it sounded. It must much later that I actually started understanding what was being said. And it made tons of sense to me, then. This was at an age when kids my age where listening to Backstreet Boys and Aqua !!

Backstreet Boys   Aqua

And I refused to listen to them, at-least initially. Haha, it didn’t take me too long to switch from Ghazals to Pop.

What started off with pop changed with time. I didn’t and still don’t follow any particular genre of music. There are songs I listened to only because I like the way the sound ( that’s when I just don’t pay attention to the lyrics). There have been times when I’ve watched movies over and over again just to listen to a particular tune that was playing in the background (that was before I figured out the whole Internet thing !!!). Music video also effect the kind of music I listen to. If it looks good to me, I’m hooked on. And lastly, the lyrics.Ya, I know its a pity I don’t pay a lot of attention to it.

I relate each song I listen to, to different emotions, to people. There are certain set of songs that mean a lot to me just because of the emotions attached to them. These are songs which I can listen to over and over again and still not get tired of. These songs mean so much to me that at times I’m feel extremely offended if people don’t appreciate them the same way I do. Weird, I know !

The other day while I was tv-surfing saw a video that caught my attention immediately. Just saw the ending and I was hooked ! Checked it up on Youtube and there it was. Watched it a couple of times. Love the video.

This if the video of “Sadho Re” by an Indian band called Agnee. Now I didn’t really pay attention to the lyrics at first. But later I got curious as I couldn’t really understand much of it. Checked it up and realised it was a doha by Sant Kabir. I got the lyrics off this site.

In HindiSadho Re, Ye Murdo Ka GaanvPeer Mare, Paigambar mari hain
Marr gaye hain zinda jogi.
Raja MAri Hain, Praja Mari hain
mari hain vaid aur rogi.Chanda mari hain, suraj mari hain
mari hain dharni aakasa.
chaudah bhuvan ke chaudhri mari hain
in hoon ki ka aasa.

nau hoon mari hain, dus hoon mari hain,
mari hain sahaj athaasi.
tetis koti devata mari hain
Badi Kaal Ki Bazi

Naam Anam Anant Rehat Hai
Duja Tatva Na Hoi
Kahe Kabir Suno Bhai Sadho
Bhatak Maro Mat Koi

English TranslationOh Sadhu This is the Village of the DeadThe Saints Have Died, The God-Messengers Die
The Life-Filled Yogis Die Too
The Kings Die, The Subjects Die
The Healers and the Sick Die TooThe Moon Dies, The Sun Dies
The Earth and Sky Die Too
Even the Caretakers of the Fourteen Worlds Die
Why Hope For Any of These

The Nine Die, The Ten Die
The Eighty Eight Die Easily Too
The Thirty Three Crore Devatas (Enlightened Beings) Die
It’s a Big Game of Time

The Un-Named Lives Without Any End
There is No Other Truth
Says Kabir Listen Oh Sadhu
Don’t Get Lost and Die

The almost literal English translation spoils the effect of the actual lyrics. But not that I know what all of it means, it adds a different perspective to the video.

Maybe I should start paying attention to the lyrics more often !

….if only.

I’ve never had a “best friend”. At least not in school. I don’t even think I had anyone I could really call a “friend” back then. They were all just acquaintances.

But , things changed. I met three people who changed my life around, completely. One walked out of my life because of a choice I made. Another’s been screwing with my head and the last one’s stuck on.

Why this post? Well, one of the main reasons I blog is to talk about things, I can’t talk about elsewhere. In other words, to vent ! This one’s about the two people who are ( supposed to be ) my BFF. Actually, just about the one that’s screwing with my head !

BFF

 She and I did not “bond” instantly. But once we hit it off, it was madness all around. I wouldn’t say we were inseparable, but we were part of each other’s lifes in every way. When it came to our core beliefs and views on life, they were poles apart. But that didn’t matter one bit. Atleast not then.

Things are different now. She hangs out with people who are “cooler” than us. Has a man in her life, who’s giving her all the emotional support she needs. And basically, we don’t come anywhere in the picture anymore. Except, EXCEPT, once in a blue moon, when she happens to remember us. An occasional call where all she can talk about is the man in her life.

When was the last time we met up, just so…uhhh…NEVER. When was the last time she asked me what’s happening in my life, and really wanted to know and didn’t ask for formality sake….Not in a looooooooooooong time. @#%#$$%#$ !!

I’m pissed beyond words. I can’t believe I let her effect my life this way. No matter how much I pretend that this doesn’t effect me, or that this is no big deal because she’s just like those other people who walked in and out of my life without a second thought,  its not the same. Not this time. Things looked different this time around. I believed things were different this time. And I gave it my ALL. I shouldn’t have.

I’ve withdrawn. Does she notice? No. Disappointment is written all over my face. Does she care? NO ! She is right. Can I be right once in a while? No. Is she embarassed to call us her BFF? I don’t know. She didn’t have a problem claiming that once upon a time. But now the man in her life doesn’t even know we exist. Now I know what kind of a role we play in her life.

Its always been about her. And we’ve taken it. When you get close to someone, you tend to ignore little things that would have otherwise bothered you. But now all I can see are the faults, the negatives, the bad times. And I’m hating it. Hating every bit of it. I cant pretend to be ok with everything when I talk to her or meet her. Things are NOT ok. Things will not be ok. Not until we talk it out. But will that happen? No. Why? Because she still hasn’t realised something is wrong.

What am I going to do about this? I don’t know.

Is it time to step back? To move on…?

 

“India, the land of cultural diversities,
both aesthetically pleasing and
intellectually nurturing.
Underneath this diversity lies the continuity of
Indian civilization and social structure.
Soorya is a catalogue of everything Indian.
Dances, Music, Literature, Theatre,
Cinema and Tradition.”

(Video courtesy gspravi)

That was a Promo video for the Soorya India Festival.( I get goose-bumps every-time I watch that)

Founded by Nataraja Krishnamoorthy(a.k.a Soorya Krishnamoorthy), Soorya is a non-profit, non-commercial voluntary organization that aims at achieving Intergration through Culture.

Soorya has brought various kinds of programs involving different forms of dance, ranging from Kathak to Kuchipudi and musical instruments like the violin and the saxophone. Jugalbandis, dance dramas and play have been highlights of Soorya programs.

Over the past couple of years I’ve had to miss quite a few of these programs, mostly because I wasn’t around much. But, I have to say, I’ve witnessed performances from the finest artists in India, only, thanks to Soorya. I got to watch Ayaan and Amaan Ali Bangash play the sarod.

Ayaan & Amaan

Bharathnatyam recitals by the Dhananjayans duo.

Dhananjayan & Shanta

And kathak performance by Rajendra Gangani, to name a few of my favorites. One of the best things about going for a Soorya program is that usually audience consists of people who really appreciate these art forms. Invites to these programs specifically mention that children below the age of 10years are not allowed (arrangements are made for kids outside if required). Since its a non-profit organization one must realise that the artists that perform are not paid any amount for these performances. What they do not get in cash, they get in kind, from the audience. Except the on-going applause and the hoos-haas of appreciations, there is usually pin drop silence during performances.

Today I got to go for yet another Soorya program. The first half of the program was a jugalbandi of the saxophone (by Kadri Gopalnath), thakil (by Karunamurthy) and violin(Kanyakumari).  Each instrument complementing the other, it was a thorough treat for the ears. But I think I would have enjoyed it more if I knew more about the various ragas and talas.

This was followed by a dance ensemble in Odissi, one of the Meera Dasmost graceful dance forms, by Meera Das and Group. They started off with a small composition on Soorya (the Sun). Then they went on to do a piece depicting the various poses of goddesses (playing different musical instruments like the veena, mridangam, flute,etc) that one sees in temples. This was followed by Dashavatar( the 10 avatars of Lord Vishnu). And finally, Moksha (salvation), depecting the dancers trying to attain Moksha through their dance.

I must say these programs are worth every bit of one’s time. Soorya has its chapters in most parts of Europe, the Middle-east and South-east Asia. Given a chance, and if you are interested, this is something you should not miss out on !

My parents are AMAZING cooks. I have memories of watching them cook together on Fridays ( weekend here ! ). Its always on Fridays that my dad would get to show off his cooking skills. When it comes to sea-food….He’s the man…hahah.

In my 15years in this country, I’ve never really had to think about having to cook for myself. The only time I got into the kitchen was to either to get something to eat or to watch my parents at work.

My tryst with the kitchen started around 3 years back. Mom fell sick and that’s how it all began. My first few days were…well… bad ! My cooking skills where limited to making omelettes and coffee.  I had no practical knowledge whatsoever. My mom had to give me detailed directions  to get to me do things right.

That went on for a while. Within a few weeks time I had mastered the art of kneading dough ! When dad came down, he gave me lessons on cutting vegetables the right way. I still needed directions to make anything edible. And pretty soon my mom took over. And that was the end of that.

But less than a year later, I was left to fend for myself. Mom took an extended vacation and I had my first experience with managing a house, on my OWN ! It was not easy, to say the least. I was out till late in the night and had to come home and cook, if I wanted to eat anything 😦 . Thankfully a friend was staying with me. And she wasn’t any better than me when it came to cooking. But she looooved to be in-charge. She needed to do things her way. And i didn’t have any problems with that. I was more than happy chopping vegetables and making chapattis.

Needless to say, it was her skills that improved over the next three months. I did at times manage to cook up something for myself on occasions. So I do know I will be able to survive if I’m left alone 😛 .

Over the past few years, nothing much has changed. Never had any major mishaps, until yesterday. I cut my finger while chopping onions ! I still hold the ladle like I hold a pen, when I stir. And if anyone asks me what’s my speciality when it comes to cooking, I’d have to say….I make perfect chapattis…hahahah, not world-maps like a lot ofother people 😛

Is it wrong to know what you deserve and only accept things that give you that…?

This is something I keep askin myself. Sometimes I think you should stand up for yourself. Cause at the end of the day if you don’t look out for yourself, no one will.

But at times I think, maybe I’m just expecting to much. Maybe I’m just being too self-absorbed.

Is it wrong to expect?

Is it wrong to know what you want?

When your in a relationship ( romantic and otherwise) shouldn’t one be giving his/her all. A 100% ?

Isn’t the lack of time, just an excuse?