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I miss the not having anything to do….well, not really. Life’s become hectic and I’m liking it!

I almost wanted to give up when I first started. Somethings came as a shock. But I’ve slowly come to terms with it. I was a little apprehensive about going back to India but I never thought I would actually not be going back! :-/

Classes have been good. I’m all set to make the most of it. Had a presentation yesterday. I was sooo not looking forward to it. Never been much of a speaker and I freak out when I have to do that in front of people. Buttttt it turned out alright. I didn’t make an utter fool of my self. I actually had a few people come and tell me it was pretty good for a first timer! 😀

I miss the freedom, the familiar faces and more than anything else…I miss the good conversations. Anyways, Its only been 2 weeks now. I’m still in the process of getting to know people. Things might change. First impressions could be wrong. And if things remain the same, I’m just gonna have to grin and bare it !

When your highest high and the lowest low come together and you don’t have anyone to share it with it materializes into a post …!

Well, getting to the good part first, I had written in an earlier post about my friend going through a rough patch. She’s finally made it through all that, triumphantly! After a series of obstacles she’s taken the first big step in following her dreams. She’s made it through all this without any support from family, she’d worked so hard and now things are finally going her way! I’m sooooooo happy for her and soooo proud of her :).

Ahem…now coming to the not so nice part. I can never stop cribbing, I know! Well anyways, like they say, an idle mind is a devil’s workshop and lately I’ve been having too much time to myself and I’ve been thinking about all those thing’s I’ve been avoiding (my previous posts would prove that!) I’ve been thinking about a certain something that happened almost a year ago (had forgotten it was this long back!) and I’m still trying to figure out if it was the biggest mistake in my life or not! I’m hating the long arguments I have with myself everyday about it. Sometimes I want to give in and do things I think I might regret later. Its been taking a lot of will power to hold myself back and at times it makes me wonder if its really worth all the trouble. But, then again, I think it might be!

I think there’s only one person who can help me with this and only one person I think I can involve in this but that person is also the one person I can’t involve in this simply because it involves that person! That doesn’t really help does it?

Ahhh, I hate having to go through this. My thoughts keep wondering back to what two random people told me. I hope that doesn’t come true. Actually, in a way I’m hoping it does but by then a lot of time would have been wasted, wasted only because of one decision I made.

I’m sucking at life!

…counting the number of people that I’ve known who’ve just chosen to walk out of my life as if they were never part of it.

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My life has revolved around the internet for the past 8years or so. I’ve met a lot of great people through this. What started in chatrooms and ICQ , with time, turned to phone calls and occasional meetings.

Why I chose the internet to meet people is a different story altogether(like you don’t know it already!). From strangers to acquaintance and some even became real good friends. They meant the world to me. They were more real to me than the people I met everyday. I was my real self with them. The endless conversations I so cherished then. I’d get through school and classes with only one thing on my mind, my next conversation with my ‘friends’. People from different time-zones, I’d make sure I would be online at odd hours so that I could catch them online.

AB- The poet from Whitehorse. The school drop out. A person who introduced me to different kinds of music, to Iris by Goo Goo Dolls and Porcelain by Moby….songs that are still my favorites. The MUD addict! Our virtual world of glass houses under water, the endless hot chocolate drinks, the beach houses and so much more…..

VK- The mama’s boy who’s mama had passed away a little prior to the first time I spoke to him. The little angel. Drunken phone conversations and the endless Doodling !

AR- The AR Rahman fan! The sane one who had everything figured. Loong conversations. The accident.

Some of the people who have left deep impressions on my life and have chosen to walk out of it. Why, I don’t understand. Actually, I don’t think I want to. They have a life, a life beyond what I knew. I didn’t.

———

School days, the huge group of ‘friends’, endless house parties and the music- competitions, theme days and concerts. Being part of the ‘cool’ crowd meant everything to the ‘uncool’ people. And I belonged to both. One change in school, and everything changes. You come back and it’s a different world. My ‘friends’ had moved on… I hadn’t. To me life in my old school is what it was before I left. Things had changed, changed in ways I couldn’t understand. People had changed. They wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Forceful conversations were all that remained.

People who meant a lot to me, people who I thought were my friends, people that I loved are no more people that are familiar to me.

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Have they changed or have I? Is it that easy to throw people out of you life, like they were never part of it? ’cause it is not, for me. People who were important to me then are equally important to me now. Is it that hard to start off from where you left? Shouldn’t one give people and relationships the respect they deserve, even if they are a thing of the past?

Too many questions… I know.

I came online thinking I would post about an interesting article I read in today’s newspaper.

Nothing seemed interesting after I read an e-mail I got from a friend.

I’m scared…really scared for her. She doesn’t deserve to go through to all this. She’s gone through enough and more in her life. And now, just when she is finally working on her life and her dreams, this had to happen.

She’ll be shattered if things don’t work out this time. I hope she doesn’t give up, give up on her dreams….and more importantly give up on her life.

I’m going to speak to her tomorrow. I don’t know what I’m going to say or how I’m going to make her feel better. I know for a fact that nothing I say or do is going to change anything but I need to make things better…some how.

Now, more than anything, I wish I was there with her.

Dentists and weight loss – two things that seem to be unrelated, at least to me. But a lot of people tend to connect the two, especially when it comes to people who horizontally challenged (just a nicer way saying ‘fat’! 🙂 ) and have braces!

Well, in an earlier post I had mentioned a cute dentist and four missing teeth. If you haven’t realized I am the one with the four missing teeth! OK, I know I’m a little too old for braces!!

Anyway, after all the “oh my god” and the guffaws, everyone who saw me with braces had only one thing to say, “You’re gonna loose a lotta weight now!” . And I just gave them my metallic smile. *sigh*

I know people who have lost weight while they had braces and too an extent I can understand why. Initially, all you can eat are things that are semi solid. But that doesn’t have to be the case in the long run.

Weighty-issues

I’ve been eating like I used to without a problem. I know they would have gone back to their normal eating habits too, eventually. But they loose oodles of weight and me, well, not an inch !

Couple of days back I was chatting with a lady at the gym and I happened to mention to her that I had gone back to India to study and that I was staying by myself for a couple of years the. The look on her face was, well, pretty amusing actually and she says “Then how come you’re soooo fat?!?!?!“. And I give her another metallic smile. She goes on to say, ” My son too had gone to India to study and he has lost sooo much weight. Even if he eats a lot now, he doesn’t put on weight! “.

It makes you cry

Some people are just so darn lucky!

Some people don’t have to bother about weighty-issues, eat all they want and still don’t put on an inch. Some people just have to do stuff like, well, go to India ! or get braces and poof ! they’ve lost all the extra pounds. And me, well, I’m gonna have to work my butt of to get rid of all that I’ve acquired over the years.

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Wonder if I’ll ever get to see a skinny me !