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I have always thought that there is no feeling as good as having a child and watching him/her grow. Being part of every minute of a child’s life is something parents cherish.

Lately, I’ve noticed it has become a growing trend to involve the child’s grandparents into the whole parenting process. Involvement of the grandparents can be of great help, especially since they have been there, done that! Guidance of any sort will always be appreciated by the new parents. The problem begins when, slowly, the parents’ involvement dwindles and all of the responsibility goes to the grandparents.

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I know of couples who leave their child with their parents, and continue with their lives like nothing has changed. Work and the money that comes with it being their first priority, the child is completely neglected, It is up to the grandparents, who at times are in different parts of the country or in a different country altogether, to bring up the child.

Nowadays people get married late and with the female’s biological clock ticking, the couple agrees on having a baby as soon as possible to avoid complications. Once the child is born it is as if their responsibility is over with that. They get back to their old routines and money is all that’s on their mind. The child is left to the mercy of relatives and/or nannies. Is it fair on the child? No. Fair on the grandparents? No. We all know how it is quite tough to bring up a child during the early stages of their life. The late nights, the tantrums, all of which will take its toll on older people. But usually none of this is thought about. And the grandparents are more than happy to help.

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I can understand the need of this kind of arrangement if they are not financially stable and need the extra money. Otherwise, what is the need to deprive the child of much needed love and care from their mothers?

I think couples should have kids only if they are really ready for it, only if they are ready to take up all the responsibility that comes with it. Having kids just because it’s the next obvious step in their life or because that is what is expected of them or just because they can’t take the pressure that comes from relatives, just doesn’t make sense.

I’m going to end this post with a part of a conversation that I had with a person recently. It is this conversation that made me write this post. (There is a lot more to this issue than what I’ve covered. I’ve only mentioned this part as this is something I have witnessed many times.)

Me: …… So are you working nowdays or are you with the baby all the time?

Person X : Ahh… Don’t ask! I’m stuck with the baby. I’m just waiting for him/her to become old enough so that I can put him/her in daycare and get back to work!

PS: These are my views. I am not a parent and my knowledge is limited when it comes to parenting, but these are things I see too often to ignore.

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Besides death, diseases and flying on aeroplanes, my biggest fear nowadays is “Arranged Marriages”.

My short trip to my hometown brought me face-to-face with this. A cousin, who’s just a little older than me, is all set to get married. MARRIED!!!! She was all happy and gay(no! not that gay…she’s very much straight !) and SINGLE a week prior to this but now she’s getting married ! Sheesh !

Ok, I can understand her getting married. She’s at the right age and all ( According to general consensus). But her’s is a typical arranged marriage. Her details/photograph has been circulating in the ‘market’. One fine day aunty gets a call enquiring about her. Next day horoscopes are exchanged. It’s a match ! Few days later the guy’s family comes to see her. Boy and girl get some quality time to talk and get to know each other better, the same day, with parents and other family members around! The quality time is not even made proper use of !!!

Few days later, another phone call…. The boy’s family liked the girl. The boy has given his consent. Aunt talks to cousin. And its FIXED !!!

And the best/worst part…SHE DOESN’T EVEN REMEMBER HIS FACE !!!!!!!!!!

How scary is that!!!! I can’t imagine myself doing something like this. I mean…like…HOW?????? And the worst part is, this is what is expected off me. I was talking to my cousin about all this. She was happily narrating the whole story and I kept throwing a hundred questions at her like…

  1. You don’t even remember his face….and your ok with it?? :O
  2. So, you’re not even going to get to meet him or at least speak to each other before the engagement?
  3. You don’t even know what kind of guy he is? What he’s into?
  4. He’s a software engineer…work’s for a reputed company….sources say he’s a good guy with a clean slate….he’s from a good family….IS THAT ENOUGH?

Through out this conversation my mother kept nudging and shush-ing me. Seemed like she was trying to tell me…. “What more do you expect? This is how life is around here. This is what is expected out of all of us. If you don’t go by these rules….you’re DOOMED!!!”

I can’t do this!! I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with someone I don’t even know. Someone I might not even get along with.

I’d be ok with this whole thing if I would get some more time to get to know the person, get some time to decide. But all the talking and bonding happens only after the engagement!!!! Like that’s of any help. It’s not like the engagement can be broken. And even if it comes down to that..the kind of humiliation that one’s family has to go through, I’d rather not think about that. By the time you are engaged the whole world would know about it. It’s almost like you’re already married!

Ahhhhh! If only there was a fool-proof way to deal with all this.

Oh and did I tell you, technically, I’m next in line !!! NEXT IN LINE!!!

I’m soooo Doomed !

….if only.

I’ve never had a “best friend”. At least not in school. I don’t even think I had anyone I could really call a “friend” back then. They were all just acquaintances.

But , things changed. I met three people who changed my life around, completely. One walked out of my life because of a choice I made. Another’s been screwing with my head and the last one’s stuck on.

Why this post? Well, one of the main reasons I blog is to talk about things, I can’t talk about elsewhere. In other words, to vent ! This one’s about the two people who are ( supposed to be ) my BFF. Actually, just about the one that’s screwing with my head !

BFF

 She and I did not “bond” instantly. But once we hit it off, it was madness all around. I wouldn’t say we were inseparable, but we were part of each other’s lifes in every way. When it came to our core beliefs and views on life, they were poles apart. But that didn’t matter one bit. Atleast not then.

Things are different now. She hangs out with people who are “cooler” than us. Has a man in her life, who’s giving her all the emotional support she needs. And basically, we don’t come anywhere in the picture anymore. Except, EXCEPT, once in a blue moon, when she happens to remember us. An occasional call where all she can talk about is the man in her life.

When was the last time we met up, just so…uhhh…NEVER. When was the last time she asked me what’s happening in my life, and really wanted to know and didn’t ask for formality sake….Not in a looooooooooooong time. @#%#$$%#$ !!

I’m pissed beyond words. I can’t believe I let her effect my life this way. No matter how much I pretend that this doesn’t effect me, or that this is no big deal because she’s just like those other people who walked in and out of my life without a second thought,  its not the same. Not this time. Things looked different this time around. I believed things were different this time. And I gave it my ALL. I shouldn’t have.

I’ve withdrawn. Does she notice? No. Disappointment is written all over my face. Does she care? NO ! She is right. Can I be right once in a while? No. Is she embarassed to call us her BFF? I don’t know. She didn’t have a problem claiming that once upon a time. But now the man in her life doesn’t even know we exist. Now I know what kind of a role we play in her life.

Its always been about her. And we’ve taken it. When you get close to someone, you tend to ignore little things that would have otherwise bothered you. But now all I can see are the faults, the negatives, the bad times. And I’m hating it. Hating every bit of it. I cant pretend to be ok with everything when I talk to her or meet her. Things are NOT ok. Things will not be ok. Not until we talk it out. But will that happen? No. Why? Because she still hasn’t realised something is wrong.

What am I going to do about this? I don’t know.

Is it time to step back? To move on…?

 

Is it wrong to know what you deserve and only accept things that give you that…?

This is something I keep askin myself. Sometimes I think you should stand up for yourself. Cause at the end of the day if you don’t look out for yourself, no one will.

But at times I think, maybe I’m just expecting to much. Maybe I’m just being too self-absorbed.

Is it wrong to expect?

Is it wrong to know what you want?

When your in a relationship ( romantic and otherwise) shouldn’t one be giving his/her all. A 100% ?

Isn’t the lack of time, just an excuse?

 

I recently watched Kabul Express, a Bollywood movie about the experience of two Indian journalists in post-Taliban Afghanistan.

Kabul Express

It was after watching this movie that I realised I didn’t know a lot about Kabul, Afghanistan or even about the Taliban. Wikipedia , as always, is where i got all my information from.

I’ve always found it annoying that a lotta people still think that back in India we’re still pretty backward. And that we don’t have any modern amenities. I’ve found it annoying that people still go by what they read in newspapers or watch on television. There is a lot more to a country than what u see in the news. Its always the negatives that are in the news, not the positive. It usually the thoughts and views of a few that are portrayed in news item, not the views/thoughts of the majority.

It is now that I realise that i’ve been as ignorant as the rest of the people. I’ve been doin the exact same thing that I’ve hated about other people.

I’ve made amends and taken one step forward to change this. I have learnt my lesson.